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July 16, 2009

The Ultimate Technique

When you attend any of the various local, national or international leather/kink events you’ll often encounter an offering of classes on BDSM and other kinky sexual techniques. Clubs and organizations within those sexual communities often host such training sessions as well. Why? Because to engage in some types of erotic play requires information and training to do it safely.

Classes on technique are good and I’m glad they’re available. We’re better off because of them. The downside is that I fear that there are times when the excessive emphasis on physical technique overshadows more important matters. So to counter such emphasis, I offer what I refer to as “the ultimate technique.”

The technique is quite simple. Just do one thing. Here it is.

No matter what you’re doing or how much you do or don’t know about what you’re doing, always try to make sure everyone involved is having a good time.

OK, I know. That’s not exactly earth-shattering advice. Seems like common sense and it is, but common sense isn’t always so common. I’m always amazed when folks tell me one of their sex sessions, BDSM scenes or other erotic endeavors go awry and they decide it was their technique at fault. Maybe it was. Though I think more often than not it’s that those involved did not follow the ultimate technique’s advice.

Think of how many sexual or erotic scenes would be saved from mediocrity by the partners simply checking in occasionally with each other to make sure everything is working. “Are those ropes too tight?” “How does that feel?” “Faster or slower?” You get the idea. These can also be framed as simply good sexual manners. Sort of a sexual version of “Yes, Please and Thank You.”

For whatever reason, it’s difficult for many of us to check in with our partners to make sure everything’s working as it should. Even when a simple question tossed in amidst the sex might be the difference between adequate and great sex, so many of us seem reluctant to utter the words. But utter them we must.

Take all the classes you want to. Just remember that by making the ultimate technique a standard part of your sexuality you’ll always stay focused on what we all should be focused on – mutual pleasure and fun!

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