When I published the original version of my book Learning The Ropes: A Basic Guide to Safe and Fun BDSM Lovemaking in 1992, I maintained and sold a constantly updated listing of resources such as retail outlets, magazines, books, BDSM events, bars, and organizations. During the past 20 years a phenomenon occurred that made such a resource listing inconsequential, the internet. The internet now provides anyone seeking BDSM resources a wealth of web sites.

At the same time the internet and subsequent web’s growth skyrocketed, my interests in the realm of sexuality broadened to beyond just BDSM and now include virtually all aspects of the adventurous side of sexuality. Being in a polyamorous relationship myself, the topic of polyamory and nontraditional relationship dynamics has also become an interest. While BDSM, kink and polyamory tend to be topics I still focus on mostly, my broader interests will begin to be represented in my blogging and in these resources in the future.

Although not a judgment of their content at all, I try to stay away from sites that are primarily for erotica or adult entertainment when listing resources. The internet is chock full of such sites and I’m glad they’re there, but I try to present sites here that primarily contain content that informs or provides discourse for men and women interested in adventurous sexuality and relationships. Some of these sites may contain adult images, but their focus is providing good information.

The guidelines and listings below will serve as good starting points for your explorations.

Web Search Guidelines

Below you’ll see a number of listings to get you started on your explorations. However, often doing your own web searches is the best way to be sure you’re getting the most current and accurate resources available.

Not sure how to best do web searches? Here is a short and easy search engine tutorial.

When entering your search criteria, use appropriate keywords. Here are some to consider:

BDSM/Kink – BDSM, kink, kinky, leathersex, B&B, S&M, fetish, dominant, submissive

Relationships – polyamory, poly

A word of caution! Anyone can put up a page on the web. Anyone. Never trust just one source of information. Always cross reference your findings with other sites.

Kink/BDSM Connection and Community

FetLife boasts 1.4 million members worldwide and is the #1 kink/fetish community and connection in the world.

Recon is the #1 site that leather/kink gay men use to connect.

There are many others, but these are the two biggest I’m aware of and should serve as good starting points.

Kink/BDSM Portals

These are sites that serve as an entryway into other sites. By visiting these sites you see links to a number of sites all in one place. is a visual guide to sites serving the leather community. The focus is on social organizations, events, bars, personals, and clothing stores in North America.

The Leather-Links Information Network is designed as a way for the leather community to find easy access to up-to-date local and international leather information and services.

Kink/BDSM/Sex News and Information

Leatherati explores the BDSM/kink/leather lifestyle of contests and titleholders, travel and events, dining and drinking, and entertainment and shopping, along with lots of news and opinion.

The Leather Journal is longstanding news publication for the leather/kink community. It also has a well kept calendar and club directory.

Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality is a publication of the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality (San Francisco, CA). The mission of the Journal is to disseminate knowledge about all aspects of human sexuality to the widest possible international community at moderate cost. While the focus of the Journal is on the academic study of sexuality, even non-academic readers will find many of the Journal articles interesting and informative. – This site offers a wealth of information and resources on many sexuality topics.

San Francisco Sex Information is a free, confidential, accurate, non-judgmental information about sex. Questions answered by phone or email. Their Resources page has a lot of links to useful sites. While this great service is based out of San Francisco, anyone can utilize their well-trained staff of sex information volunteers.

The sex-e-zine Daily is a great online daily zine you can subscribe to to receive daily emails with links to the day’s edition.

BDSM/Kink Education and Safer Sex

Daedalus Publishing Company is the publishing company I founded in 1992 and sold a decade later. They offer a great selection of educational books.

Greenery Press is another wonderful BDSM/kink book publishing company.

Kink Academy is a comprehensive library of sex-ed videos for adventurous, consenting adults. is Tristan Taormino’s site with a mission is to educate people of all genders and sexual orientations in their pursuit of healthy, empowering, and transformative sex and relationships.

Power Play Academy was founded in 2006 to establish a viable and legitimate e-learning institution for power exchange play, the BDSM arts, and related forms of alternative sexuality. It serves both the active BDSM community and private “bedroom players” of all experience levels who want to safely incorporate some form of kinky play into their erotic repertoires but find it impractical to attend live educational events.

CyberRelate explores the complex and steamy side of gay/bi male sexuality (including BDSM/kink), communication, erotica and adventure while creating routine sexual health standards that include understanding what works for you.


Inside the Mind of Gloria Brame is the blog writer/sex therapist/BDSM activist Gloria Brame on which she publishes random news and views, and catalogues of vintage erotica.

Leatherpage is a blog and resources site that seeks to connect leather, kink, BDSM and sex-positive communities.

Dear puppy… is my friend David Shorey’s advice blog for the leather, kink and BDSM communities.


Mr. S Leather is one of the most respected retailers of leather and kinky gear in the world. This business is owned by a long-time friend of mine who manages it with the utmost integrity. Highly recommended. (Adult images on the site.)

JT’s Stockroom has been selling sex toys, bondage gear and restraints on the internet since 1988, catering to both the kink curious novice to the extreme BDSM player. Highly recommended. (Adult images on the site.) sells a wide variety of rope well suited to rope bondage play.

Polyamory and Non-Monogamy Information

Loving More is a national not for profit corporation, educational website, online community and magazine dedicated to support and education of polyamory and polyamorous issues. is Tristan Taormino’s site for people interested in open relationships of all kinds including monogamy with benefits, nonmonogamy, partnered nonmonogamy, swigning, polyamory, polyfidelity, solo polyamory, mixed orientation marriages, and other relationships styles beyond monogamy.

One Comment on “Resources

April 29, 2010 at 9:28 am

Please make youself aware of the FemaleLed lifestyle where Paige-Harrison educates you on the Art of Female Domination.

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