The Case for Signaling (Flagging) Again

There was a time, at least among kinky/leather gay men, when people clearly signaled their alternative sexual proclivities somehow (sometimes referred to a flagging, not to be confused with another form of flagging). Some wore keys on the left, right or in the middle to signal being top, bottom or versatile. Hankies of various colors were worn in back pockets to indicate specific sexual interests, again in left or right pockets to indicate preferred position. And there were many other ways used to signal sexual desires. I think the time has come to revive this practice.

Yes, I know. Many still do signal. We still sees keys, hankies and other symbols used. But the practice seems to have waned in recent years and I’d like to make the case for reviving it. Why? My reasons are three-fold.

First, as many have discussed lately within the kinky networks, some of the venues, such as leather bars, where we formerly gathered to cruise and socialize, are disappearing. So we need more ways to identify each other and thereby socially interact.

Second, there is great power in declaring our proclivities. Clearly displaying one’s sexual desires will make it more likely that you can strike up a conversation with someone else with the same or similar interests, no matter where you are. I recently saw someone in an airport wearing a bit of leather when I was waiting to board a flight and we struck up a conversation. Sure enough, they were kinky. How would I have known if he hadn’t subtly signaled to others “hey, here I am.” In short, you might get laid more.

Third, societal acceptance tends to only happen when there is adequate awareness. LGBT people have learned this and their movement shouts the power of coming out from the rooftops as the prime means by which to foster acceptance. So it is with kinky people too. Imagine if everyone who is kinky suddenly turned purple. Kink would be immediately accepted.

Keys and hankies are by no means the only signaling mechanisms. We can dress and accessorize ourselves in all sorts of ways to signal, overtly or subtly, to indicate our interests. And while some of the more subtle signals might not specify exactly what we’re into, they at least offer the viewer a clue that you might be kinky which can foster a conversation or cruisy stare that might not happen otherwise.

For those who might balk at signaling in non-kinky environments, remember that there are extremely subtle ways to signal. A small lapel pin in the shape of handcuffs can powerfully, but subtly, indicate preferences. Should someone that you deem not likely to be kinky themselves ask about it and you wish to deflect the question, simply chalk it up to an edgy fashion statement. Get creative. Think of ways you can signal that strikes a balance between how “out” you want to be and clearly indicating to the world your interests.

Do you signal? Any creative ideas on how to signal? I’d love to hear your stories.