Virtualizing the Leather Bar
My friend, Mike Gerle (International Mr. Leather 2007), and I have authored an article on Leatherati, The Leather “Bar” Takes a Virtual Turn. Check it out.
With the diminishing number of leather bars available to the gay men’s kink/leather scene, it’s important for us to figure out unique and creative ways to foster more regular face-to-face socializing opportunities for kinky gay men. Mike and I feel that we have come up with one solution.
If you have any other ideas on how we can encourage more in-person (versus online) interactions among kinky gay men (as well as men and women of all orientations), please comment on this post and share your ideas. The more we socialize and play with each other in real time, the stronger our overall kink/leather network will be.
7 Comments on “Virtualizing the Leather Bar”
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spenSIR
March 8, 2012 at 11:45 amMake flash mobs of Leatherfolk! Keeping it OUT of bars is a good thing, as I have been ‘taught’ Leather, Play, Kink and Booze/Drugs do NOT mix… so have social events that offer juice, coffee, water and such. Even some daytime outings and not ALL in the city, but in the BAY AREA as we have Kinksters all over the place, so let us include rather than exclude them.
An example of such community is a Gay, Bear, Hiking group I know of… they get outdoors, get back to nature, walk, talk, eat, socialize and do it on a monthly basis. Love the idea, but have a hard time keeping up with the walking part.
Why not have a series of “classes” on how to build and maintain Leather Families, Alternative venues for mindfuckery, LIVING the life beyond the local Dungeons… and so on…
spenSIR
Nigel Whitfield
March 8, 2012 at 2:48 pmYes, it’s good not to mix play and booze, and it’s good to raise the visibility of leather folk in other ways, but for many people the leather side of their life is still something they might not be entirely happy with everyone knowing, and so the opportunities for socialising come down to leather bars, or the virtual world.
There’s no one solution, of course; technology like the Facebook groups is one way of reaching out – and much as people don’t like to be reliant on Facebook, the simple fact is that that’s where lots of people are these days. Similarly, lots are on Twitter, so over at BLUF we’re experimenting with that, providing an automated feed of events from our calendar to remind people (and I’m happy to give tech help to others, time permitting). Again, some folk “just don’t get” Twitter, but it’s another place where many people are, and we can’t just wring our hands and say “no one’s supporting the scene” without looking at where they are, and reaching out to them in those places using the technology we have.
One thing I’ve noticed in the UK over recent years is that people are actually quite responsive to less commercial events; a couple of years back, separately from BLUF, a mate and I started a night for guys into cigars and pipes, which is essentially just us talking with the bar, doing publicity, and no charges other than the bar cover. And there are similar things on the gay skin scene too, and with some leather events elsewhere in the UK. Some people, I think, are tired of the endless promotion of nights where the names of the DJs seems more important than anything else, and the people organising have no stake in the community.
I think many will make the effort if they feel it’s not lining the pockets of a hookup site, or a club promoter – as long as you remind them, and that’s cheaper than it used to be. You don’t need to print and drop flyers any more. You can reach out online – and I’d like to see more of the big sites show they care about the community by doing that. The bulk of the new features we’ve added on BLUF over the last couple of years have been about letting people see who’s going where, and highlighting events. But we’re not commercial, and it pains me that some of the big paid-for sites won’t promote events unless they’re sponsoring them, and are more interesting in selling tickets to mega-parties than saying “why not come and meet other members in bar X on day Y” which would cost them nothing, and foster a hell of a lot of goodwill.
Anyway, gone on long enough, I’m sure…
John
March 15, 2012 at 12:37 amVirtualizing the leather “scene” reflected in this article is a very reasoned viewpoint and it has had some success; however, there is one big problem here. I do not and will not use Facebook, period. I do not think that it is safe to use regarding privacy. So, if we leave this to the insecurity of Facebook, there will always be people left out, such as me. I don’t think that I’m alone in this concern, so, what is to be done with the rest of us?
There are professionals who cannot use Facebook due to the nature of their jobs and the people they serve. Facebook will not allow anyone to use an alias. If you know someone who does use an alias on Facebook successfully, it is only a matter of time before Facebook shuts them down.
I do not want my personal business monitored by anyone I don’t want to see it, be they friend, foe, corporate or government. I will not allow myself to be marketed to through a company who is in no other business than obtaining as much highly personal information on all of us as they can, then sell it to marketers. The privacy limitations presented by Facebook are well documented and not in question, by anyone who cares or is willing to learn about them. That is exactly the problem. Most people don’t care. I am not among them and will never be.
Facebook’s default setting is completely open not private; instead of the much more reasonable completely private. This is the number one problem. If Facebook would do this the other way around, I might be willing to join; however, that would be less valuable to their corporate customers who want nothing more than to plumb Facebook for everything about everyone.
I still go to bars. Indeed, the numbers in attendance at such venues is hit or miss; however, giving up my privacy to a huge corporation and their affiliates/customers, for who knows what, will never be the answer to that problem for me. They are making a fortune off all those who freely give them very personal information. I will not participate. Facebook is not a tool for me, it is something to be avoided at all costs.
Race Bannon
March 16, 2012 at 10:47 pmI’m not quite sure how to reply. You might not like social media. You might have privacy concerns. You might think social media poses professional risks. You have that right. However, things are not likely to change anytime soon. If anything, we will continue to move in the direction of digital connection enabling offline face to face meetings. I don’t see how that is going to change. As younger folks continue to move into the ranks of the kinky scene in greater numbers, their comfort level with social media and 24/7 connectivity will reign supreme as the dominant paradigm even more than it does today. There is nothing happening culturally within the kink/leather scene that leads me to believe any differently. As I’ve chatted with younger kinky folks, most of them don’t seem to have the same privacy concerns us older folks often do. I’ve also read more than one article on the fact that the younger generation is growing up quite comfortable living their lives quite publicly. Nothing I see indicates this trend is likely to abate anytime soon either. As for being marketed to, that already happens and has for many years. Bank and lenders sell our information all the time. So do most magazines and newspapers who sell their lists. Our buying and browsing habits are routinely monitored and added into the data mining repository for any company willing to pay for access to it. This is actually nothing new. Do social media sites do that also? Sure, but it’s just more of the same, not something new. Anyone who does not want to leverage social media and digital connectivity to gain access to the modern kinky world has that right. It’s a free country. But I think they’ll be missing out on a lot.
John
March 19, 2012 at 3:36 pmAbuse or trauma victims should not use social media websites, especially those with abuse history not so many years ago. I left that reason out for obvious reasons. I don’t really care to hide that as my additional issue now.
I do care about privacy. I do not think that the virtual world will ever be a replacement for the real world. This is what I think the “young,” as you call them don’t get. I don’t want to live in a world where everything is dependent on the virtual world. It is too fallible, for the reasons I mention above and sometimes not available, for a variety of reasons. Plus, the information provided through such websites often changes dramatically on a whim, wasting more time trying to figure out what’s next.
So, from your response, it is as though you are telling the “old,” as you call them, must conform or else. Isn’t it funny that there is a bar right here in SOMA who has taken that message out of the virtual world and put it into they very way they do business. Why don’t they just advertise that they don’t wait on anyone over the age of 35, because I witnessed their personnel behaving that way. It happened to me.
I’m pretty sure that I am younger than you Race.
Race Bannon
March 20, 2012 at 8:24 pmJohn, I’m not telling older guys (I’m one of them) to conform or else. I’m simply pointing out what appears by all accounts to be a trend towards more virtual connectivity being the linchpin around which realtime encounters happen. It’s the trend everywhere, not just in San Francisco. I contend that now that kinksters have figured out how to best use social media, it’s actually enabled more face-to-face encounters than less. Once upon a time leathermen had bars, baths and sex clubs and a few clubs. That was it. Now, we still have a few of those, but it’s also possible for kinky folks to organize, network, communicate and arrange gatherings incredibly easily via social media and electronic connectivity. And I do understand your privacy concerns, and I don’t discount them. But many of us have looked at the cost/benefit of the situation and erred on the side of riding the wave of what appears to be a trend towards the merging virtual and realtime. As for your experience at whatever business you’re referring to, I can’t discount your experience. It’s your experience. All I can say is that as a 58 year old guy I rarely feel discounted within the BDSM/kink/leather scene due to my age. That is my experience.
John
March 23, 2012 at 12:02 amFeeling discounted in the kink scene happens all the time for me and it is not just because I’m older. It is also due to my lack of real experience. Now it is also due to my fear of online social networks.
I am not from SF. I moved here 4 years ago.
I have problems with the so called “leatherati” in this city and I am increasingly failing to see the good of seeking to participate anymore. I think it is so full of competition, not only between the old and the young, but between monied and not so monied, and, most disturbingly to me, between the leatherti and the, um, hoi polloi like me. The term leatherati itself is beginning to turn me off completely. As if some of us are better than the rest of us. I don’t buy it.
I wasn’t born in the 1950’s or earlier like all but one of my five siblings and I wasn’t born after 1975, so no one would call me “young.” Where do I fit in? I haven’t found it so far and recent personal developments in the “kink scene” in SF have turned me off so much that I’m real close to giving up on it altogether. I’m beginning to believe that I never really belonged even though I do enjoy the play (my term) and I’ve been around it for at least 25 years. It seems to me that it is all about who is an approved person to be associated with and who is not. It does not seem to me to be about a “community” at all and yes I am aware that there are kink folk out there who say that they would like to drop that term altogether. Rather, it seems to me to be a clique not easily penetrable by one type or another type depending on the “scene.” And of course, like everything else, there are business interests heavily involved, so a sort of kabuki dance goes on involving varied interests and individuals, which I can rarely make any sense of.
There are a few members of SF’s leatherati who have been very nice and kind personally to me, including you Race. I thank you (and them) for that; but I point out to you that only one of them is significantly younger than me.
I am a sub/boy, but not a slave and I am of slight (but fit) build. I therefore do not command attention upon entering a room or approaching a group of people. When I try to be even a little bit aggressive socially, I find that I usually turn people off. I do not know or really even care about any elusive (to me) behavior norms. So depending on my mood (am I being present or not in California speak), I either move on or I get very disappointed.
The kink scene doesn’t seem to fit me well at all.