Go deep into the bowels of almost any sector of the leather scene today and you’re likely to hear at least one person mouthing off in complaint about things not being the way they used to be. “What about tradition?” “They’re dishonoring our history.” “That’s not how someone works their way up through the leather […]

Sometimes I’ll be in the middle of a discussion with other leatherfolk or kinksters and the topic of “who belongs” in certain kink environments comes up. This seems to arise more often amid people who identify with leather as opposed to those who identify as kink, but it’s still a common area of discussion in […]

“No, you’re not that special.” As I was reading an interesting book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life, by Mark Manson, a chapter section titled “The Tyranny of Exceptionalism” struck me as pertinent to modern day kink. (Note: I liked the book. I suggest you buy […]

A friend of mine, Stormy Styles, related strongly to a recent post she saw on Facebook. She copied and edited the text a bit to add some of her own thoughts, then posted it to her Facebook timeline. The reaction was remarkable. The post was quickly shared and copied and widely discussed. I copied and […]

There is an assumption that there are certain people so confident in their sexuality and erotic identities that nothing can challenge those aspects of their lives. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am living proof. This isn’t easy to talk about. Our society as well as our sexual and kink subcultures worship at […]

As I’ve pursued my own flavor of a sex life, I’ve noticed something creeping in that I didn’t like. Sex had become a game of matching up a somewhat rigid list of turns ons and turn offs, dos and don’ts. If someone who was potentially interesting sexually came into my awareness, my first instinct often […]

I was interviewed by Pup Amp of the Watts the Safeword YouTube channel for their “12 Gays of Christmas” series. If you’re interested in BDSM and kink, check it out. It’s hosted by two gay men and much of the content is of specific interest to kinky gay men, but many other kinksters will find it interesting […]

This speech was delivered on March 29, 2015 as the keynote address at the Colorado Leather Fest event held in Denver, Colorado. Good morning. I’ve had a really good time on this maiden voyage of this new Colorado Leatherfest event. I hope you have also. Thanks to everyone involved in creating and running this event. You’ve […]

This speech was delivered on February 14, 2015 as the Saturday dinner keynote address at the Southeast Conference of Clubs (SECC) annual event held in Orlando, FL. A video of this speech was recorded and can be viewed here. Good evening. I’ve had a really good time this weekend and I hope you have also. Everyone […]

This post was originally published in the Bay Area Reporter for which I write a regular leather and kink column. You will find the original online version here. The topic of this post is something I feel extremely strongly about, and I feel it’s something that we don’t talk enough about in BDSM and kink education. […]